We’ve all heard the phrase about handing things over to the universe, but are we really supposed to just “trust the process” and bet on things we are unsure even exist? How can we just have faith that our instincts will guide us? How do we once and for all stop worrying, controlling, and resisting?

I believe letting go is the answer to most of life’s obstacles and uncertainties. I’ve learned how to let go as if I were a professional and can safely say this special skill has helped me break through mental barriers, remove toxic and unnecessary individuals from my life, develop a stronger mindset, set higher aspirations, make peace with my insecurities, quit my corporate 9-5, and begin to create an entirely different life I choose to live my way.

In my experience, the more I choose to let go and let be, the greater the progress I’m able to achieve in every aspect of my life.  Don’t get me wrong, lack of attachment doesn’t mean I don’t care about others or value life itself.  I’ve just chosen to let what comes, enter, and let what wants to leave, make its way. 

Here, I’d like to share with you some life-altering tips on how to let go, as well as ten things you should completely free yourself from to better your standard of living and deepen your understanding of self.

But first, what exactly is “letting go”?

Letting go is releasing all doubt, worry, and fear about a situation, person, or outcome.  It’s freeing yourself from anything that disrupts your happiness and no longer serves you on your journey.  Letting go is a choice to decide that you will no longer dwell on things that are out of your control. Letting go creates space for fresh beginnings and allows for a natural revelation of our true, authentic selves where we are most open, vulnerable, and carefree.

And why do we need to learn to let go?

The answer is simple, yet complex. Attachment is not only the root cause of our distress but of our unfulfilled cravings and expectations as well.  It makes life complicated, creates unnecessary anxiety and worry, and limits us in every possible way.

We don’t own the opportunities, relationships, or people we have been blessed with.  We’re often scared to let go of what we know in exchange for the unknown.  And, with our fists clenched tightly around our “things”, our hands will never be open to receiving anything else often causing us to miss opportunities to build and grow something new.

So, what’s the lesson here? And why is this often such a difficult concept to grasp?

Not only can we hold our own identity, possessions, and dreams too tightly, we can grip onto relationships too tightly as well.  Learn to hold on loosely.  It can be extremely challenging and even scary at times.  And it can be unpleasant and painful, but we really do have the ability to sit with and conquer anything life throws our way. The more we give that power to another person, place, or thing, the more we lose ourselves. It’s crucial for us to learn (the earlier the better) that we don’t need to do that anymore and the solution lies in letting go.

Let it go.

As far back as I can remember I always tried to control everything.  I manipulated and came up with story after story to get my way.  And I was good at it.  My family and friends saw me when I wanted to see them.  My relationships were about what I could get from the other person, or what void in me they could fill. I couldn’t bring myself to believe uncertainty would be a part of my life.

I was in a constant state of control, the wheels in my mind always turning trying to figure out how to make things happen exactly the way I wanted, being rigidly attached to a plan, and doing everything in my power to ensure things worked out exactly as I felt they should.

About three to four years ago, that all began to change.  And when I finally learned the freedom that comes with surrendering and letting things go, I watched in astonishment as everything slowly started to fall into place.

I had just gone through one of the most difficult breakups of my life.  I decided to seek out therapy and was referred to a true miracle worker by a friend of a friend.  Through her tools and guidance, I was truly determined to make the necessary major changes to stop living how I once was.  As earliest said by Jessie Potter, “If you always do what you’ve always done then you will always get what you always got”.  And so I set off on a challenging, yet vital journey to a path of growth that would forever change my way of thinking and entire outlook on life.

While braving the end of my tumultuous relationship with my significant other, I simultaneously entered back into the corporate work world.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, I would last just a short three more years settling with the 9-5 lifestyle before I would finally say goodbye to the rat race and truly begin the path to a “free” life.

Over those next three years, I put more energy than I had at times into my work.  I strived and achieved a constant increase in my income and a steady climb up the corporate ladder.  On the outside, it appeared as though I couldn’t be happier or more successful.  Yet no matter how hard I tried to deny it, no matter how positive and motivating and happy-go-lucky I appeared to be, deep down I was in a major rut.

I knew, although it seemed completely unattainable at the time, I wanted to set up my own business.  I think it was a combination of one of those “new year, new me” resolutions for 2017 and my experiences on my most recent trip to Nicaragua that propelled me into the fascination and determination to accomplish this all while still working my corporate job.

In an effort to keep this blog, as well as my entire existence open, honest, and authentic, I’ve decided to share with ya’ll a blog post or a journal entry of sorts from this exact stage in my life. You know what they say, the best-laid plans… On a side note, as I sit here and type this out, right now is literally the first time it’s registering in my brain that I’ve always been meant to be a writer.  See what letting go and freeing yourself has the power to do? (Total “a-ha” moment!!!)

Throughout 2017, I began to map everything out.  I knew exactly how every piece would come together to achieve what I hoped and dreamed of.  Yet I struggled to balance building an e-commerce business while swamped with the regular day-to-day of my full-time job.  No sooner had I constructed a full life plan for “freedom”, than everything started to really just not work out.  I was frustrated, anxious, and stressed beyond belief and this continued well into 2018.  Why wasn’t the Universe cooperating?  Why was my life map going up in smoke?

Of course, we all know that everything happens for a reason even though at the time we might not have a clue what that reason is.  And looking back, I realize I had been at the homestretch to total liberation more than once, yet somehow always seemed to fall back into a state of resistance.  This time, the Universe was going to ensure it taught me a lesson and I would finally learn once and for all that the “how” is just not ever going to be up to me.

At this point, the thought of being genuinely present in my life still scared me significantly.  Yet sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, at the beginning of 2019, probably as a result of another one of those New Year’s resolution things, albeit one that would stick, I quit my job finally recognizing control was not the way to freedom, flexibility, travel, or growing a business I love.

I had just returned from a two destination trip to San Diego, California, and Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  I wanted to feel as alive as I had felt on this trip, not just while traveling, but day in and day out.  I didn’t know how I would accomplish this, and for the first time in my life, I wasn’t really concerned with the “how”.  I had no plan aside from leaving the country for an impromptu trip to Honduras a mere twenty-four hours after my final day of employment.  Of course, the unknown came with uncertainty, and even a little bit of fear, but more so these same feelings that kept me paralyzed for decades now turned into awareness and excitement.

This is when I realized it’s a choice to stay static and stuck, a choice that I had complete power and control over (funny how our mind works).  I soon was okay with not knowing what was going to happen next or where life would take me.  In my final days at my corporate job, I was asked what I was going to do, if I was changing industries, or maybe marrying rich, and what exactly was my plan?  My answer was always a careless shrug followed with “I have no idea” which if you knew me at the time, was incredibly atypical.  But I felt footloose and fancy-free.  I felt true comfort in what had always given me feelings of unease.  

I took that trip to Honduras and had one of the most freeing, peaceful, effortless, magical experiences of my life.  It’s no coincidence when I’m at the top of my game, relaxed, refreshed, with set intentions, and high spirits, the power and ability to manifest my dreams comes naturally. It was during my time in Utila, Honduras that I began to reteach myself how to LIVE versus what I had grown accustomed to, merely existing.

Once I returned back home, not only did I have general catching up to do, but I also had plenty of little projects to occupy what was left of my time.  One day I’ll write an honest comprehensive post discussing my experiences and observations in the initial stages of life after the 9 to 5.  But for now, I’ll just say hopefully sometime in the future, I’ll be able to look back and find the wild ideas, out-there proposals, and all of the unconventional methods used to make a living generating multiple streams of income sidesplittingly comical.

Day-to-day, I don’t have a clue where I’m going, both literally and figuratively. But one thing I do know is I am finally free.  And no matter what the future holds, I have now truly mastered the art of letting go.

So, here is the advice I have for anyone struggling to gracefully let go and accept uncertainty and the unknown.

There are just three simple and straightforward thought processes to aid in releasing your attachments.

Resistance will never create freedom. 

Accept the things you cannot change.  You can’t change another person, so stop wasting your time and energy trying.  You can’t change the past, you can’t please everyone, and you can’t get back what you’ve lost.  I truly think this is one of the biggest issues that hinder people from letting go.  

If we are attached to circumstances being a certain way, and they don’t match our wishes, we tend to resist what is happening.  But what we often don’t realize is that anything we attempt to make happen will never contain true meaning.  Practice the act of just letting things unfold on their own and give freedom to those around you. 

Freedom is not force but instead is the power to be found.

But how do you give freedom?  This one is so simple once explained, yet incredibly difficult for most to master.  In every intention and action, we must give compassion, gratitude, kindness, imagination, humility, dignity, and grace.  When we constantly practice these qualities, we will never use force.

Without force, there is no tension. When someone chooses you, accepts you, and wants you, they have done so freely.  Without force, there is freedom, and with freedom, there is peace.  It is at this stage what you are looking for can truly find you.

With freedom also comes love.

When we need others, we cannot freely love or be loved by them.  As long as we have needs that we believe must be fulfilled by others, we can’t possibly allow them to be free in choosing and loving us.

The perception of need allows us to say if we feel bad in any way for any reason, it’s because our needs aren’t met.  Our minds become convinced if we feel bad, it’s because “you’re” not doing what I want or need.

Ultimately, letting go is not a simple act that just anyone can do anytime.  It’s an art, it’s an understanding, and it takes conscious effort to open ourselves up to total freedom. And if we want to truly let go of everything in our lives, we’ve got to learn to love more, not less.

Every day we have a choice to keep holding on just a little bit longer or conclude that today is the day we will finally let go. Which will you decide?  

Stay tuned for part two this week, ten things you should completely free yourself from to better your standard of living and deepen your understanding of self.